THERE'S LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

There is this saying that says , The doctors can't cure himself, The carpenter can fix his own house, Few good adviser are truthfully not smart in deciding for their own lives. Honestly speaking I think I fall on this category. My friend says I am a good adviser, I'm an expert when it comes to love advices , in financial , decision making and etc. Surely I give the best and practical advice. But they don't know behind that talent, behind that gift, I can't seem to  practice those wise, smart advices I am always trying to share with people who needs uplifting of spirit.Boosting others life when I can't boost my own, maybe its my outlet for my frustration. If I can't do it then maybe I can make others do it. A sarcasm thought for my own life's decision making.

" Yeah, Yen, your good. Your right, Your smart, Your wise, Your a street smart  being and all other praises that I am receiving from people I have shared insight with. Is this all  crap? look at yourself , girl, you can't even stand for your freedom, your afraid to break free, why is that? why don't you  act yourself those good insight you have in your mind which you are imparting with people?. You can't even quit your job , which deep inside you abhor. You always complain, you always make your partner guilty to the point that he would give you up, but then you can't  let go. Your mind says your better off him but still your  with him. Damn , question like this. I have so much idea in mind yet its all stuck in there. I wanted to start a new career path, put up my own business , quit my job, stop fooling  myself anymore and make believe that I am fine, I am good, and everything is doing well according to plans and purpose. 

I am leading nowhere, I don't understand myself anymore. What am I? What the heck I am living for? Does love needs to be selfless? Giving your all and don't expect in return? continue loving  the person you are loving together with his flaws? But eerr!! my alter ego says, its not right, its not fair, go and find a life. Stop pretending. Why are you so mindful of those opinions around you? does it matter more than having your joy and freedom? Instead of crippling your state of being and relying on your impulsive and compulsive emotion,why can't you find peace of mind? your too anxious with things . You said your not dumb, but what are you doing? why not walk the talk?. You said you believe in God, yeah, we all do,Yen.  You  said you trust God, but really , do you?  If you do, why you can't figure it out , your not even willing to give up your happiness and trust in His words? Why are you not maturing and growing ? Why? This heart is deceitful , this mind always justify.

5 comments:

Pinx said...

hi yen... i think you need a break... a few days or maybe yet a few weeks off... i suggest you go to a place where you can reflect and be silent and just listen to God. my best friend did this and she was totally enlightened. maybe you're stressed and all... i pray you'll be fine and that you'll get answers to all your questions... there is the Bible...happy to share this to you yen!

kimmy said...

sometimes you need to take a break and think things over to find your purpose..

Crescentlady said...

Hi yen I have just read in the book about faith ... it says on day 14 or 15 maybe I forgot. Human must trust God with all their heart and mind and not to trust feelings or emotions because these can be deceiving. Sometimes Yen, when we are in our in human capacity and we cannot bear it all just unload it to God and let Him do the thing.

I suggest you buy the Purpose Driven Life book by Ric Warren and Its really great and enlightening. :-)
Ganyan din ako before like what you've gone through...

lina@happy family said...

I agree with Pinx and Kimmy, Yen...
Hope you'll feel better soon!

ALBERT said...

Sorry late comment- Purpose driven life is a good book- I learned there that you should prioritize what God is teaching you everyday. My advice is simple- take the next step. Doubting yourself means that you don't know where are you heading. God will reveal your purpose in due time. Additionally, We are not made by God just to live our lives but to share it to others - be accountable to others ( accountable friendship)- I'm sure you can find happiness there
Godbless always - I'll pray for you