There is this saying that says , The doctors can't cure himself, The carpenter can fix his own house, Few good adviser are truthfully not smart in deciding for their own lives. Honestly speaking I think I fall on this category. My friend says I am a good adviser, I'm an expert when it comes to love advices , in financial , decision making and etc. Surely I give the best and practical advice. But they don't know behind that talent, behind that gift, I can't seem to practice those wise, smart advices I am always trying to share with people who needs uplifting of spirit.Boosting others life when I can't boost my own, maybe its my outlet for my frustration. If I can't do it then maybe I can make others do it. A sarcasm thought for my own life's decision making.
" Yeah, Yen, your good. Your right, Your smart, Your wise, Your a street smart being and all other praises that I am receiving from people I have shared insight with. Is this all crap? look at yourself , girl, you can't even stand for your freedom, your afraid to break free, why is that? why don't you act yourself those good insight you have in your mind which you are imparting with people?. You can't even quit your job , which deep inside you abhor. You always complain, you always make your partner guilty to the point that he would give you up, but then you can't let go. Your mind says your better off him but still your with him. Damn , question like this. I have so much idea in mind yet its all stuck in there. I wanted to start a new career path, put up my own business , quit my job, stop fooling myself anymore and make believe that I am fine, I am good, and everything is doing well according to plans and purpose.
I am leading nowhere, I don't understand myself anymore. What am I? What the heck I am living for? Does love needs to be selfless? Giving your all and don't expect in return? continue loving the person you are loving together with his flaws? But eerr!! my alter ego says, its not right, its not fair, go and find a life. Stop pretending. Why are you so mindful of those opinions around you? does it matter more than having your joy and freedom? Instead of crippling your state of being and relying on your impulsive and compulsive emotion,why can't you find peace of mind? your too anxious with things . You said your not dumb, but what are you doing? why not walk the talk?. You said you believe in God, yeah, we all do,Yen. You said you trust God, but really , do you? If you do, why you can't figure it out , your not even willing to give up your happiness and trust in His words? Why are you not maturing and growing ? Why? This heart is deceitful , this mind always justify.